Families are more aware of risk today than at any time in the last 30 years. In our last post, we suggested some ways that families can begin to frame risk, and how to assess and manage risks. In this piece, we look at how to structure family thought and actions around risk while creating your family risk management system.
Risks are anything that threatens the health, well-being, and future development of the family. Today, there are risks in simply going to school that we never considered in the past. Families that will negotiate these changing times well will create a system for managing risks, a way to hold family members accountable, and a “playbook” for dealing with worst-case scenarios should there be a breakdown in their system.
Developing Your Family Risk Management System
Since the pandemic, creating a system that works demands that families look at all the possible areas of risk for the family. We need to determine how much risk is wanted in each area (health, finances, social, etc.). Next, this system will have some form of control to ensure that the levels of risk the family has determined it is willing to take are maintained (no one crosses the line). That there is a way to check along with follow-up actions when higher risks are taken than aimed at.
In plain English, if you have a teenage child and you want to make sure they are being careful about who and how they spend their time, that will require communicating with them the level of risk you are asking for and why, setting up lines of communication to ensure that those guidelines are being followed and a means of following up should there be a breakdown.
Dividing risks into categories will help with this. For example financial risks are very easy to quantify and measure while social risks less so and will need greater thought to organize and manage. Financial risks tend to be framed in terms of the risk of investment versus the return while social risks are often framed in terms of outcomes to be avoided.
Use Your Imagination
To have these “systems” or plans work, engage the whole family. During the pandemic, for example, we had a daughter go to college and engaged the whole family in a discussion about how we know when it’s safe for her to return home. Given the extended social interactions she was having, she was taking higher risks in terms of exposure. The conclusion was she periodically took a COVID test before she came home to help us manage that risk. Getting to that conclusion was a twenty-minute conversation about what level of risk was she really at. By the way, she did get COVID and none of us got it from her and she never felt alienated- sign of an effective plan.
Now apply that to a current-day situation; let’s say you have kids going into middle school. Middle school is the place, and time where most of our kids are first exposed to the idea and possibility of alcohol and/or drug use. What are the risks? How much of a risk is it? How do other families mitigate the risks? What are other families doing? not doing? Talk about this as a family, the more open and honest, the better. Do some research, and develop a plan. Be sure to alter the plan as you move through middle school as things will change!
Accountability
How will you hold people accountable in your family “bubble”? By what means will you know that everyone is agreeing to the norms of risk management for the group? Super important question, because anyone who deviates from the family system raises the risk for the whole family.
Creating family systems that work involves engaging everyone in the family so that each member has ownership. Avoid “because I say so” as a reason for a system going into place at all costs! First, lay out the risks Next, talk about the ways to limit that risk. Then brainstorm ways to reduce the risk together.
Working Together
Together, work out ways of reporting and confirming that everyone is playing by the same rules. Explain that at times you may seem like you are nagging, but it’s managing risks to your family. It’s going to be your job to make sure that the systems you are creating together really work. You are creating a culture of risk management, one in which not only the parents but also the children are engaged in considering risks and how to take risks which is a necessary part of life.
Continue to talk as a family about risk in every aspect of your lives together. In so doing, you will reduce fear. There will be less of a tendency to rebel by taking unnecessary risks. Encourage the baby-step approach to risk. When we ease into risk in baby steps, we do it consciously, with awareness of the possible repercussions if things happen to not go as planned. Remember, there are no perfect risk-taking plans, the odds are that things will go sideways from time to time. When you create a family culture around risk management, things will go sideways a lot less often.
Be Prepared
Part of risk management is preparing yourself for when things do go sideways. Teach your children about saving money, for example, having contingency plans. You’re probably already doing this in some ways. When families go to theme parks they often set a meetup point and time should they become separated for some reason. Have plans in place so you can avoid major upsets and go to plan B. Things always break down at some point. The more you plan for breakdown, the lower the risk of the breakdown itself. Planning for when a risk does not go as planned is actually a way of lowering risk.